I am a Warrior and a Son

In bringing many sons and daughters to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the pioneer of their salvation perfect through what he suffered.

Hebrews 2:10

I am a warrior, but God has called me first to be a son. The difference is when God calls a warrior to do a thing, a warrior says “yes” without hesitation but also without counting the cost. When things get difficult, the warrior finds himself on his own. He does not mean to be, but his “yes” binds him to continue at all cost, with only the recourse to endure. A son, on the other hand, though still saying yes, talks to his Father about what is difficult for him and what he is uncomfortable with. He recognizes that on his own he is nothing and that the battle cannot be won without God’s help. A son maintains intimacy throughout his yes.

I can be both a son and a warrior, but I cannot be a good warrior without being a son. I have permission to say, “this is difficult for me” or “I do not feel comfortable with this: Help me, because I cannot proceed here without your help.” This often marks the difference between success and failure in the Kingdom, because the currency of the Kingdom is intimacy. If we forget we are sons and daughters, we can often find ourselves suffering needlessly instead of benefiting from the one who suffered on our behalf. God has called us into battle, but the secret of the Kingdom is that it is always His victory.

Pour out before the Lord your heart: Tell him all you are going through. Here is where you will not only find comfort but also find His power.


Photo by Benjamin Davies on Unsplash

Vulnerable

One of my favorite bloggers InsanityBytes wrote a comical and insightful essay the other day on relationships between men and women titled You Don’t Have to Lie To Me. There were so many good points in the article, but this one particularly grabbed my attention regarding the need for men to be vulnerable in a relationship:

“Nobody’s suggesting men must be all emotional and touchy-feely here, but if you can’t give something of yourself emotionally, how in the world can there even be any intimacy in a marriage?”

I agreed with her. But it took the majority of my ride home from work (it is a long ride, like two hours — don’t ask) to pinpoint what troubled me about the common perception of vulnerability in relationship we have, which InsanityBytes had effectively captured.

And then the light bulb went on: Vulnerability is not exactly the same thing as being “emotional and touchy-feely.” It can be. But vulnerability, in its strictest sense, is the ability to allow what is on the inside of us to be known to the outside world. Whether that manifests as emotional and touchy-feely or something else entirely depends on what is on the inside of us.

Granted, vulnerability can often be associated with being emotional and touchy-feely because, as a general rule (which I will be accused of being sexist for but at the moment do not care) women are much better at vulnerability than men are. So the vulnerability we often see modeled is coming from women. Further, vulnerability often is associated with weakness. That is, to be vulnerable is to be willing to open up about our struggles and insecurities. We tend to equate vulnerability with weakness.

But in the context of intimacy, vulnerability is so much more than this. It is, first of all, about sharing all that we are on the inside, not just sharing our weakness. Further, I would argue — just as I did recently that women are unique in how they lead — men are unique in how they are vulnerable. In response to InsanityBytes I put it this way:

I think we must make a distinction between men being vulnerable and men being vulnerable in the way women might be vulnerable. Jesus was (and is) both vulnerable and strong at the same time. We men in our vulnerability should be willing to show our weakness but also willing to show our deep passion and strength as well, something that is rarely modeled.

So there are two parts here, actually. The first is that men being vulnerable in weakness will look different than women being vulnerable in weakness; I say this only because no man necessarily wants to be accused of being “emotional and touchy-feely,” but all men have a need to be vulnerable.

Secondly, part of men being vulnerable is not only to admit weakness but also express strength in their vulnerability. Said differently, vulnerability is not just about weakness: It is in fact one of the greatest strengths in a relationship that men have to offer.

Most men, however, do not know how to be both strong and vulnerable at the same time. In fact, for many men strength is the exact opposite of being vulnerable.  Being strong means being stone-cold and emotionally distant. Men do not cry, do not show feeling, and do not get “emotional” not so much because they are incapable of it, but because they believe it is a sign of weakness. By this logic, to be strong is to be without emotion. Which, needless to say, is not what we see modeled in the Person of Jesus Christ.

But there is a reason for this: What often resides within many men in this fallen world is brokenness. So for most men, to be vulnerable at all is to run the real risk of showing weakness. The simplest solution for many of us men, therefore, is to cut ourselves off emotionally: Be tough on the outside, but unknown — and unknowable — on the inside, in order to maintain the appearance of strength.

This of course has its consequences. As InsanityBytes points out, “the number one reason for divorce today actually amounts to women feeling emotionally abandoned.” I would like to suggest the reason women feel this way is because men have abandoned their emotions long ago, and with it the capacity to relate. Relationships, in other words, require intimacy.

I have this crazy theory about women as it pertains to men — and perhaps not so much a theory as an idea. It goes something like this: Women are a tangible reminder to men of the intimacy they have lost. Women are both a reminder and an invitation back to the place of intimacy they once shared with their Creator, and were made to share with others.

And I am convinced that it is only by returning to that place of intimacy that the real strength men possess can be made manifest — a strength they were made to demonstrate to their wives, to their children, and to rest the world.  A strength that does not merely dwell on the outside, but dwells deeply on the inside. A strength like Jesus demonstrates to us: Wide open and vulnerable, deeply passionate, unhindered by brokenness, and characterized by unyielding sacrifice.

Going through some of my belongings this week, I found a poem I wrote to my wife that  that touches on this subject, which I now share with you in closing. Be blessed — and may all of us learn the strength and power of vulnerability.


The Bottle

I wrote this message and, in a bottle, threw it from the shore
that you and I might live as one, not two, forevermore.

I take you not to merely have or you to merely hold.
I take you as a dwelling makes a shelter from the cold.

I bear you up as one might bear a pearl within one’s hands
that ends the weary traveler’s search throughout the oceans’ sands.

I place you in your rightful place: A setting for a stone
That with its underneath embrace its beauty might be shown.

And if beat down the elements upon our vessel’s prow
along our sacred journey home, I will absorb the blow.

For I am yours and you are mine, and we are one, not two.
The dreams this bottle now contains are not for me, but you.


Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash

 

 

 

 

10 things that Christians believe that aren’t true (part 6)

This is the sixth installment of things overheard or beliefs commonly held about the Christian life that, upon further reflection, are not as true as they first seem.

Feel free to leave your own thoughts!

Breakthrough Should Be a One-Time Event

Before I introduce this topic, I must first share a little about my spiritual background. I was raised Catholic, but for the better part of my Christian life, I have been a part of churches that would be classified as non-denominational charismatic and even “faith-based.”

When we talk about breakthrough, we are talking about it in the broadest sense. Breakthrough is the act of experiencing freedom or fruit or power in an area of our lives where such freedom or fruit or power did not previously exist. For example, if we turn to the Gospels, we find many people experiencing breakthrough as a result of Jesus’ ministry. They were healed physically, and they were delivered from demons. As scripture says, Jesus went about the countryside healing all who were oppressed of the devil.

Continue reading “10 things that Christians believe that aren’t true (part 6)”

10 things that Christians believe that aren’t true (part 5)

This is the fifth installment of things overheard or beliefs commonly held about the Christian life that, upon further reflection, are not as true as they first seem. Feel free to leave your own thoughts!

We should not dwell on the past

A ministry that I love recently posted the following quote on Facebook: “We do not go forward by looking backward. We are not called to fix an old life but find a new life.” Continue reading “10 things that Christians believe that aren’t true (part 5)”

10 things that Christians believe that aren’t true (part 4)

Faith is spelled R-I-S-K

I am in the process of going into business for myself again, and it has brought to mind the first time I did so. Continue reading “10 things that Christians believe that aren’t true (part 4)”